Sparrow fart starts, sandy bathtubs and long lost beach towels - we do it all for the love of surfers.

Being the significant other of a surfer is a not a job description just any bimbo can fill. Seriously, on paper it seems like a career path made in endless summer heaven but in all honesty, it’s just as crap as going out with a construction worker… ok maybe not that bad, maybe I am being a touch melodramatic, whatever.

Why the ungratefulness I hear you ask? It’s just that after 8 years of being the hot beach babe and 8 sizzling hot surfer boyfriends later, I’m still waiting for the beach house with the open plan kitchen over looking my local point break. I’m still waiting for that designated area specifically for boards, wet wetsuits, towels, wax combs and the like. And I’m still freaking waiting for that amazing day where activities are planned around my schedule, not the effing tide chart.

I blame my predicament on Pamela Anderson, of course. Her and The Hoff. It’s their fault that I thought that a surfer as a potential life partner was a good idea. They made it look so easy. Hang out on the beach, cruise around in a one piece and date Jimmy Slade (a.k.a Kelly Slater). Your biggest worry was an obese kid having a panic attack in the shore break or an over crowded beach, simple.

Disappointment is probably the best way to describe being a surfer’s girlfriend. Knowing that you are always number 2 and that his dirty little mistress can’t even talk, can get a little frustrating, if I put it in a non melodramatic sense.

So why not pack in the towels and bikinis and head for chartered accountant territory? Um, have you ever seen a chartered accountant? It’s just that among other things surfers are so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s shallow I get it. Again I blame Baywatch. What is it about boys walking out of the ocean with their boards under their arms that is so god dam sexy? The bronzed body? The sun bleached hair? That gentle scent of a salty body? No other sports man quite has the sex appeal of a surfer. Swimmers wear banana hammocks, football players wear Lyra and soccer players are just full of grass stains. Imagine trying to bleach those stains?

Besides the sex appeal most surfers also have that amazing mellowness card. The only time you see ‘em running is down to the surf. There are slight panic attacks when one of his babies’ creases or snaps, but on a whole, a surfer is the guy you want to be around in an emergency. When he says, “nobody panic” he would really mean it.

On a whole, surfers do have soul. They appreciate the world around them. They have respect for the good times and procrastinate the shitty times. They may not all be Jimmy Bladdy Slade but at the end of the day unscheduled tanning sessions, a house that looks like a surf store and the beachfront in your bathroom seems like a fair trade. Plus a few shallow perks, I suppose I won’t be resigning too soon.

Tags: Boys, Surfing